Thursday, April 30, 2009

What the Frak?

I've been known to say "mothergrabbin'" when trying to clean up rap lyrics.

Maybe I should start saying "monkeyfied" ("monkey-fightin'"?) or "Monday-to-Friday" instead...because apparently those are perfectly good epithets. At least, according to editors for the FX channel.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

CNN: Bull Gets Loose in Supermarket

My first Lolcats reference! Did I get it right?

Item: Papayas Are Terrifying!

Ever cut open one of these?

Elliot's not afraid to eat them, though.

[Foolish human. Bwahahahahaha. -guest editors Kang and Kodus.]

No Argument Here

I noticed this label on one of Elliot's things — something called a "Boppy."

Apparently it's a warning about what happens when you have babies.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

The Crashiest City in America: Part Three

Remember when I posited that New York was the most dangerous city in America to fly in or out of?

Here's another fact that might be relevant: According to today's Chronicle, planes at JFK airport had 1,804 encounters with birds and other wildlife between 1990 and 2008. In 83 of those cases, the aircraft was substantially damaged or destroyed.

In this category, JFK ranks highest in the U.S. — by far. Sacramento was No. 2, with just 56 cases of wildlife damaging planes. SFO was No. 3, with 45. Orlando and Salt Lake City round out the top five.

I'm taking another flight to New York next month. Stay away, geese!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Elliot Thwarts Our KGB-Style Tactics

Early this morning we heard a crash over the baby monitor and then it went dead.

Apparently Elliot finally discovered that his room has been bugged all this time. Enraged, he ripped the cord off his transmitter and knocked it onto the floor.

Now he and Antelope can have a private conversation. They clearly have lots of secrets.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Beating the Heat

You know it's hot in San Francisco when even the homeless start taking off their coats.

They're turning the parking meters in our neighborhood into Jawas!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Separated at Birth?


...and Elliot.

Either that, or Elliot just likes faux hawks. Embarrassing, since didn't they go out of style in 2006?

Saturday, April 18, 2009

What Would Be the Normal Place?

Will Bubo Get a Part?

As you know, this blog is named after Bubo, the mechanical owl in "Clash of the Titans." Why? Because he's awesome.

Now that they're doing a remake of the movie, I'm wondering if they'll resurrect the Bubo character. With the original film, some critics noted that there wasn't really a mechanical owl in Greek mythology. And that it was just a shameless attempt to mimic R2D2 (and possibly Twiki: "bidi-bidi-bidi, sorry Buck").

But it's not as if the original film was that faithful to Greek mythology in general. What was up with the Kraken? Isn't that Norse? (The same creature also pops up in the "Pirates of the Caribbean" series, which isn't exactly modeled on Greek mythology.)

For that matter, the title isn't accurate, since hardly anyone in the movie qualifies as a Titan.

With that said, I hope we as a people haven't moved past the need for cheesy mechanical sidekicks. Bring back Bubo!

Friday, April 17, 2009

I Don't Get It

Is Google's joke-a-day feature screwed up, because this doesn't seem like a joke.

Isn't that like, a fact?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Low Expectations Exceeded

There's a pizza place in our neighborhood that got a mention in the New York Times.

I think it's fine for them to promote that fact, but maybe they should just shorten the excerpt to "good."

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Lookalike Bridges

Back in 2007, I noted that a bridge in Savannah looks a bit like the new bridge in Boston.

Well, here's another one in the same style — in Provence, France, of all places. We crossed this last week when we were visiting the area. It links Tarascon and Beaucaire, across the Rhone river.

For comparison, here's the Zakim Bunker Hill Bridge in Boston:

And the Talmadge Memorial Bridge, linking Savannah, Ga., to South Carolina:

Boston's design is a bit different, but the Savannah and Provence bridges are very similar. It looks like the French bridge was constructed in 2000 — 10 years after the Savannah bridge. (The Boston bridge opened in 2003.)

So the French get an "Originality FAIL."

UPDATE: More examples, as pointed out by Burrito Justice in the comments.

The oldest of them all: The Skybridge near Vancouver (built in 1989).

And the more recent Millau Viaduct in France, which opened in 2004 (the tallest vehicular bridge in the world).

SECOND UPDATE: Closer to home, you can see cool visuals of our own Bay Bridge under construction on this site. The bridge has its own superlative: It will be the world’s longest single-tower, self-anchored suspension bridge.

Mugshot Showdown!

Today the MTV site debated whether Phil Spector's mugshot was the "weirdest ever."

The site then made an odd attempt to shame its readers for making light of the situation:
Phil Spector’s crime was violent and heinous. His expression in this photo is one of surprise and — for better or worse — that makes it somewhat hilarious. It doesn’t change what happened that night in 2003 and it won’t bring Lana Clarkson back, but it does provide a moment of levity in an otherwise tragic story.

Um, you can't have it both ways, MTV — making fun of the mugshot and then trying to take the high road. (Also, can something be "somewhat hilarious"?)

Anyway, maybe it's just because I give extra points for fashion choices, but I think I would still rank Spector's mugshot below Nick Nolte's and some of my other favorites. (Though I guess Phil Spector is wearing something kinda weird in his photo. Or is that a correctional facilities outfit?)

It's hard to beat this shirt:

And you know how I feel about this one (a unicorn and a Rubik's Cube??):

Really, can anyone match this?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Wonders of History

I spotted this cheesy sign attached to some ruins at Les Baux-de-Provence.

The sign had no explanation or anything. So without further information, I'm just going to have to assume that Les Baux-de-Provence was a gay nightclub.

Parenting FAIL


...followed by a rock course.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Soulemate Make Action!

There's a French baby-clothing chain called Du Pareil au même, or DPAM for short. Apparently it's a popular place for American parents to visit. We stopped by one of the store's locations in Paris, figuring we could get some outfits with funny French sayings.

Problem is, two-thirds of the clothes were covered with English sayings. Well, "sayings" isn't the right word — since none of the words on these clothes were even vaguely idiomatic.

Here's an example: "masked club." Huh, like the one in "Eyes Wide Shut"?

This was my favorite. It says: "No Hunger For All / For Global World / Respect Nature / Water Is Life / Soulemate Make Action / Feel Your Place On Earth / Green Leafs For Planet."

That's quite a lot to stick on a (baby) shirt! At least it's a positive message. I mean, if soulemates don't make action, who will?

But still, I wonder why Americans flock to this place? Are they trying to make their babies look like Japanese tourists?

Property Is Theft

We spent last week in Provence, where we came across a lot of real-estate offices.

It says a lot about the French worldview that their word for real estate translates literally to "going nowhere."

Sunday, April 12, 2009

'Elliot Contre Margot'*

Elliot finds a worthy adversary in his older cousin Margot.

*(Elliot Versus Margot)

Happy Easter

This was on the This Is Why You're Fat blog: a deep-fried Cadbury Creme Egg.

It actually looks kind of good, but I would probably drizzle it with hot fudge and caramel and add whipped cream. [A la mode wouldn't hurt either. -ed.]

Sad to say I forgot to pick up Cadbury eggs this year, though I did get my Kinder Egg fix in France.

'And I'll form THE HEAD'

I'm late in writing about this product called the Peekaru — especially since I was alerted to it in my comments section last month. (Fortunately, I haven't been scooped by my arch-nemesis BoingBoing on it yet.)

Anyway, I thought this was a joke at first, but it's real. It's like a Snuggie that completely encompasses your baby — other than the head. (Since the head is the part that noise comes out of, I see this as a flaw.)

As you know, I'm not afraid to rock the Baby Bjorn and other similar contraptions, such as this thing I wore in France.

But the Peekaru doesn't seem to have any men in its publicity shots. What's up with that?

Thanks to BuboBlog East Coast correspondents Dan and Bill for alerting me to this.

Dan also passed this along, which — like the Peekaru — is a REAL PRODUCT. [Really? -ed.]

Why So Intolerant?

I don't think this is funny enough to appear on the Engrish Funny site, but I enjoyed the English translation on a bottle of French baby cream.

I'm glad this is going to clear up Elliot's intolerant skin. I heard his skin making ethnic slurs the other day, and I was deeply offended.

UPDATE: Hmm...apparently "intolerant skin" is a real term in English.

Never mind!

Who Says Paris Is Family Friendly?

We just got back from France, where we spotted this sign.

Anyone know what it means?

No families allowed? Or maybe just "don't hold your child-bride's hand here"?

I also saw this sign, which I can only assume means "Make your children put their hands up, so we can be sure they aren't carrying firearms."

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Celebrating Five Years of BuboBlog: 2008

2008 will be remembered by many as the year an African-American man was elected president of the United States.

For others, 2008 is the year that BuboBlog was RUINED FOREVER.

In the months leading up to Elliot's birth, baby fever took hold (much more powerfully than beard fever, I'm afraid). Suffice to say, the blog's original editorial mission [??? -ed.] fell by the wayside.

I started out by comparing Elliot's ultrasound pictures to a certain Edvard Munch painting. I then infiltrated the bizarre world of baby products.

It got worse when he was born, and I quickly launched his film career. I also puzzled at his militancy. And we dressed him as Hannibal Lecter.

In non-Elliot news...wait, was there any?

Friday, April 10, 2009

Celebrating Five Years of BuboBlog: 2007

2007 was a more innocent time: We enjoyed the music of Amy Winehouse but hadn't yet realized that she was a cracked-out nutjob. (Or maybe we had, I forget.)

We also watched chuman excitement spread deeper into popular culture, with the publication of Michael Crichton's "Next." This was from my review (spoiler warning): the story a geneticist and his family adopt the chuman boy. They give it a haircut and a baseball cap, and after that most people just think the kid is a hairy African-American. (This seems like dangerous ground for Michael Crichton to trod, but he's just like that.) As the story reaches its exciting climax, the chuman (a) throws feces at his opponents (b) bites off an ear (c) befriends a talking parrot.

Amazing that the book didn't get wider acclaim.

In February of that year, BuboBlog documented my attempt to not buy anything for a month (unsuccessfully).

In other news, I spotted the awesomest shirt ever featured in a mug shot (yes, including Nick Nolte's), and Kelly saved a crazed chihuahua.

The blog struggled with how to punctuate "ho's." And I reimagined a page from "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows."

Beard fever lasted briefly. On our street, the SFPD engaged shirtless gas-siphoners in an odd showdown.

Finally, I discussed the evolution of what hour is appropriate to have ho's/hos in your living room. (The answer: 10 a.m. may now be OK.)

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Celebrating Five Years of BuboBlog: 2006

2006 was a year of intrigue for BuboBlog. The brand came under attack when a French site decided to use the same name. (I meant to send a cease-and-desist letter, but I wasn't sure how much postage to use.)

I also took some bold positions in 2006, such as questioning the validity of quicksand.

In an ill-conceived attempt to stir up controversy, I created an anti-BuboBlog site: BuboBlog Sucks. Controversy was not stirred up.

My bookclub sought (unsuccessfully) to challenge another bookclub to a dance-off. We used the picture to the left, which apparently didn't entice any takers.

In other news, my proposed slogan for the 49ers was rejected, as was my idea for a Quizno's sandwich.

I caught up with Jesus in age, but fell short in other areas.

We celebrated the 100th anniversary of the 1906 quake.

The Examiner falsely accused Doctor Who in a headline:

Our neighborhood never ceased to entertain.

I compared New York and San Francisco, with Ess Eff coming out No. 1 in the crazy-homeless category.

I nursed Birdie the pigeon back to life, only to see him fail to cheat death a second time.

And Ed Jew kept us on the lookout for unintentionally offensive headlines.

For instance:
"Jew Victory Reflects Splits Among Democrats"
"Jew Scores Big in Choosing Meskunas as Aide"

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Celebrating Five Years of BuboBlog: 2005

Remember 2005? It was a tumultuous year. Hurricane Katrina flooded New Orleans. Pope John Paul II died. And thousands descended on Washington to protest the war in Iraq.

Not that you'd know any of that from reading this blog. Apparently I found all that stuff to be boooring. What an ass I am.

Instead, I wrote about chumans, the whizzinator and joke-e-oke (which I guess never really caught on).

I had a hard time finding a sample of what the blog looked like in 2005. So here's a rough simulation:

It was that year that I began comparing the number of San Francisco pot clubs to the number of Starbucks — a statistic that others copied later without citing me.

Oh right: And I got marriedas did my brother. Kelly and I also entered the real-estate market in 2005. What perfect timing!

We adjusted to a new neighborhood, met some friendly locals and even experienced a sideshow on our street.

Most importantly, I ranked the best Dr. Dre-produced tracks of all time.